She stood rooted to the spot and thought to herself, “That was a total disaster!”. She couldn’t move from her place. It felt like somebody had filled her body with lead and that she had no strength left in her limbs to even move an inch. Very slowly, shaking her head like a buried mummy coming back to life, she picked up her phone and booked an Uber. Somehow, she made her way out of her office building and got into her cab, all the while, lost deep in thought.

Try as she might, Ria wasn’t able to make sense of what just happened. How the hell did Aarush know? Was he also..? Who else knew? Why did he truly ask her out on a date? What did he actually want? Did he really have a kid? Her head was starting to throb. She took her head in her hands and closed her eyes. She had, like a million questions and not a single answer in sight. Ugh, what was she going to do? Well, what could she possibly do? She had agreed to go out with him on that date, hadn’t she? Even after all that mental talk about not being on the slippery slope again. She didn’t even have the sense to take some time before answering him. A guy asks her out and she says yes, almost instantly. She was faster than even the two-minute instant noodles. Was she really that desperate? Hadn’t she promised herself that there would be no more guys, ever? Maybe, she really was that desperate.

The pain in her head grew more intense and Ria suddenly felt exhausted. She did not want to deal with this anymore. She would think about this tomorrow, when she had some mental bandwidth. Looking up from her hands, she realized that she had reached home and her cab driver was politely waiting for her to get off. Woah! She had no idea where that thirty minute car ride went! She jumped out of the car, thanked the driver, and made the payment.

Next Day

Today was going to be a good day. It had already started off on a great note. She had woken up on time, finished her gym early and reached office, way before her usual time. She had also made the most of her early start and grabbed a nice, empty cabin at the back of her office building. She now had all the time and space in the world to think through her game plan for today’s date. There was no way she could cancel it. She wasn’t a coward and, in any case, it wouldn’t be smart. If there was a leak, then she had to get out in front of it. So, it was clear what she was going to do. Try to get as much information as possible from Aarush without divulging anything from her side.

He had been too excited to get a good night’s sleep. That’s why Aarush had woken up late and had barely made it to the office before his first meeting. He didn’t see her on her desk, as he rushed for his meeting. Maybe, she got late. Halfway through his third meeting of the day, he started feeling uneasy. Her desk was still empty. Was it possible that she hadn’t come in today? Would she take a leave just to get out of having to go on a date with him? He hadn’t come on too strong on her last evening, had he? Filled with a sense of foreboding, he got up to get himself a glass of water. As he passed the last cabin on his way to the cafeteria, he saw her. She looked engrossed in her work. Why was she sitting in the cabin and not at her desk? Maybe, she had an important meeting. Or maybe, just maybe, was it possible that she was hiding from him? She wasn’t thinking of cancelling their date, was she? No, no, no, no. He had to find out what was going through her mind and he had to find it out now.

Clenching his jaw firmly, he pushed the cabin door and went inside.

“Hey”, he said.

“Hey”, she replied.

“So, I was thinking that maybe, we could go to the Delhi Café after office.”

“Oh, okay. I will wrap up my meetings by 6-ish and then we can go.”

“Okay, sure.”

He came out of the cabin and gave a huge sigh of relief. He hadn’t even realized that he had been holding his breath. Not only was she not cancelling their date, but she had just agreed to go to the place that he had selected. Why had he been hyperventilating about the fact that she was sitting in that cabin? Instead of unnecessarily taking stress, he should be running back to his desk and finishing all his work by 6 pm. There was no way that he was going to be late for his very first date with Ria.

At the Delhi Café

She had to give it to him. This place was perfect for a first date. It had a fun vibe, light music and nice food. Also, it was walking distance from their office building, so there were no commute hassles. And to top it all off, nobody from their office was in here. So, the probability of their date becoming the latest office gossip was practically zero.

As they sat down and ordered their mocktails, he asked her, “So, how was work today?”

“It was fine. How about you?”

“Yea, mine was fine too.”

“Okay. Hmmm…. I have to say. This place is actually nice.”

His eyes glowed as he said, “I am glad you liked it.”

“Hmmm. So, I actually wanted to ask you….?”

“Yes, what?”

“Umm, the other day you said that you are also…”

“Yes, I know what I said. I am a divorcee”, he said matter-of-factly.

She was slightly taken aback by his response. The way he said it, it felt like, he had accepted it. Completely and totally accepted it. It was like, he owned this part of his past and because of that, it had no power over him. It was clear that he wasn’t ashamed of it. She, on the other hand, struggled with her feelings of shame every day. She felt like a failure every time she thought about it. She remembered how her counsellor had tried to tell her that it wasn’t her individual failure but a system failure, but she hadn’t been interested in all that. A failure was a failure and she had done everything in her power to pretend to be anything but that. Hence, the façade.

She had specifically designed her web of lies to sidestep the fact that she was a divorcee. She didn’t want anyone to see her as a divorced woman. It had been a little more than a year but the thought was still extremely uncomfortable to her. She knew she had trouble accepting it. During conversations, she would often talk about her two-year old son but conveniently leave out her husband. People often misconstrued the entire situation in their head. Knowing about her son, they automatically assumed her to be a married woman but it was far from the truth. Ria knew how these things worked. If she gave people, bits and pieces of information, then they would fill in the blanks on their own. They would imagine her husband to be a workaholic, or away on a work tour or something else to explain for his absence from this mother-son bubble. She knew most people got the wrong idea but she never bothered correcting them. In fact, she wanted them to get the wrong idea. It was her way of keeping her sanity.

She pulled herself out of her thoughts with a bit of effort and asked the most burning question in her mind, ever since their conversation yesterday, “I am sorry to hear that. But, umm how did you know about me?”

He looked contrite and said slowly, “I have been leading the Employee Engagement Initiative ever since it started two years back. So, I have access to all personnel files.”

Oh! So, that’s how he knew. He had access to her personal details. Phew! That gave her a small sense of relief. She knew that she hadn’t slipped up. She had been way too cautious with her web of lies. But wait, she needed more clarity. Who all had access? What if he told someone who wasn’t authorized to have access.

As if he could read, what was on her mind, he said, “Listen, you don’t have to worry. Only I and the HR SPOC have access to those files. Nobody else. And we are bound by data privacy laws. All details in those personnel files are strictly confidential. And even if they weren’t, I would never tell anyone.”

As she heard him say this, she felt that she could trust him. He seemed to be telling the truth. But she still wanted to be sure. So, she said, “Okay. It’s just that I don’t like to advertise the fact that I am a divorced, single mother. The world sees you in a wholly different way once they know that about you.”

He nodded and said, “I understand. You have my word that I won’t tell anyone.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

 “Umm, you also mentioned yesterday that you have a kid but I have never heard …”

“Never heard me talking about a kid. I know. That’s because I actually don’t have a kid. I have a 65-year-old father who behaves just like a kid.”

She gave a slight smile and asked, “And what about your mother?”

Again, he replied in that matter-of-fact way, “She died a couple of years, ago.”

Ria didn’t know what to say. Losing parents was the kind of loss that she didn’t know much about. So, she said the only thing she could think of.

“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s okay. I like talking to you.”

Ohhh.. There it was. That connect she felt with him. She couldn’t actually explain it but she experienced it every time they talked. The truth was that she also liked talking to him. But there was one more thing that she wanted to ask him before she could actually start enjoying this date.

“I like talking to you too. But, let’s be honest. Most people don’t typically ask out divorced, single mothers out on a date. Why did you?”

“Well, I am not like most people. And I am divorced, just like you. And I enjoy spending time with you.”

“So, it doesn’t matter to you that I am…”

He cut her off and said, “No, it doesn’t.”

Written By – Aastha Aggarwal

Aastha is a bibliophile, a foodie, a consulting professional and a full-time mum who is currently living in Noida. Writing is a cathartic process for her. She endeavors to inspire the next generation of readers with her writing.